Having a tough time with some things

I'm on a few Facebook groups for adoptees. There is a lot of anger on there. As there should be. Adoptees have always gotten the short end of the stick. What really gets me is how some adoptees get so mad when people suggest that their first mothers might have been coerced or forced. Or lied to. It's like they really can't stand to hear that. I mean. My first mother is one of the ones who as a mother she was pretty negligent. I don't know. Just some random thoughts I am having. It makes me sad because I know a few first mothers who were forced, lied to. And tricked.

Wow really? Nice!

So, I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I attend church on Sundays. As a Christian, it's always been really important to me to be around others. Well, that and it helps me from being a complete shut in.

I was talking with my Sunday school teacher before the service started, and was telling her about the couple who were trying to pray for the mother to give up their twin girls. When I told her I had been taught that praying like that was a misuse of prayer, she defended it! I was taken aback to be honest. She said that the bible says we can pray for the desire of our hearts. I couldn't believe it.

Also, she informed me that I come across as very anti adoption on my facebook. I was like "Really, and here I thought I was being nice!" I explained that I am against pre birth matching and that's just the tip of the ice berg. We didn't have time to really talk about it. She is starting to get where I am coming from. She's one of those ones who say "But we are adopted into God's family." Yea, no that's not how that works.

When you are adopted into God's family, your whole history isn't taken away from you. Your birth certificate isn't altered and the original sealed away. It just bugs me when she uses that phrase to justify the lies. Because adoptees are lied to.

Bee fighting a nasty cold, as well as a battle for a friend

So, on top of a pretty disastrous trip to see my family, I ended up with a bad summer cold. My throat felt like it had been scraped raw and it hurt to swallow. That finally went away, but was replaced by a stuffy nose and a cough.

Then, a friend I've been talking with informed me that her mother is pushing her to sign adoption papers for her son. My friend, we'll call her Britney, has had a rough year. She got out of an abusive relationship, and it's been one bad thing after another for her. See, she gave her mother temporary guardianship a while back, but that was because she was not stable and with the abusive guy in Texas. After she left him, she stayed with various people, who kicked her out after a short time and she eventually ended up in another state with a friend. That friend helped her get a job, but then promptly informed Britney that she was not going to be helping her get to work. She lost the job.

At this point, this ended up without a place to live and went to a shelter. Eventually she swallowed her pride(but not before bad stuff happening, can't tell there's a pending court case) and it got even worse.

Her mother refused to let Britney move back in with her and Britney's son. Instead, found her a shelter. Then, she started pushing the adoption thing. I had told Britney repeatedly" sign nothing! if she tries to make you sign anything, leave! run!"

Apparently, her mom picked her up today and it was apparently to sign some papers. Britney doesn't know what they are. All she knows is her mom is trying to convince Britney that Brits mom has to adopt the boy so she can claim him as a dependent(such BS) and so she can leave him her money. Again, BS.

I had a fit. I told her to refuse to sign anything else! Some friends on a message board gave me some links to send her. I hope she looks at them and calls the numbers. She has no legal representation and she's being railroaded at a bad point in her life. I'm trying to help her but I don't know if it'll be enough.

Britney's had a rough time of it, and her mom is using that to get at her and get her son. They don't have an easy relationship.

What pisses e off, is I was telling my aunt about this and she was saying"There has to be more to this she's not telling you. Her mom wouldn't do this without a reason."

Really? My aunt's either extremely naive or something.

Really annoyed

I really hate that when I feel passionate about something, my aunt tries to derail me by saying"But is there anything you can do about it?" In some cases no, but I'll be damned if I'm going to shut up. Which is what she's trying to get me to do.

I was talking about the woman who won one of the Blog Of Shame awards. You guys know, the one keeping the expectant mother on drugs so she and her partner can get the baby? The one who admitted flat out that the mother even said if she was off drugs and stable she'd keep her baby.

While talking to my aunt, it was very frustrating that she didn't show any empathy. Instead, she was concerned that I was riled up over drama.

DRAMA!! This isn't drama, this is a family's life about to be torn apart! Jesus tap dancing Christ I can't even tell you how angry I am right now typing this.

I refuse to stop talking about these issues just because nothing can be done. The point is to get the word out, to make people aware of what the hell's going on! Why doesn't she get that!!

This on top of the two day long livejournal argument I got into with some douche bag who declared he'd force his teenage daughter onto birth control if she decided she wanted to get pregnant. Hey fucktard, you can't do that. It's called doctors with ethics, learn about it. Then, when I thought it was over, the post I was in got posted to a drama community and it just went downhill. Nothing I said was linked and I wasn't involved too much, but it was nerve wracking and distressing to see it.

So tired

I just had to get this out really quick before I went to bed. I am so TIRED of people telling me how I should feel about my adoption. Yes, I got to stay with family, and maybe that helped a good bit towards me being what others call "well adjusted". But damnit, I can still be mad! I can still be sad that my mother didn't keep me. I can still want to throw things when I have others telling me "Well you should be happy, you had a good life."

Oh yes, I had a great life. Other then living in fear of my adoptive father coming home. ADad had issues, and one of them was anger. Due to a head injury, he couldn't control his anger as well as he used to. As a result, he took it out on his kids. he beat my brother so bad with a belt once he couldn't seat for hours. I've had people tell me "That's not abuse that's discipline." Not when the child in question is 4 years old! And the age doesn't even matter. You never strike a child in anger.

If one more person tells me I could have been aborted, I'll kick something. If I was aborted, then I wouldn't be hear jackass.

I just hate that everyone assumes that I don't have the same feelings towards adoption as other adoptees, just because I had it ok. Because I am happy, to an extent. Because yes, I loved my Amom, and we were close.

I'll never know what being a big sister feels like because of adoption. I lost that. I have nieces and nephews I'll never know, because my sister is too scared to want a relationship, and doesn't want to hurt bio mom. Any hope of a real relationship with my siblings, gone because they don't want to know me. Uncles, aunts, cousins, all of whom I'll never know.

Yes, I have a right to be sad when I think of what could have been, and what was almost mine.

Now I'm sad.