Maybe I'm just no good at things.

So I'm pretty sure Noone reads this so I'm just going to write this for myself. I'm tired. I really am. I'm 35 years old and I have nothing. I really thought I'd be so much further in life. Sadly that's not the case. It isn't for lack of trying. Something else that depresses me is this,whole election. Wtf. Seriously. I'm enraged that my country elected Trump. Of all people. I can't even begin to describe how much I'm dreading the inauguration. I really have no coherent plan for this entry. I remember sometimes that I have this blog. I post here when I need to get stuff out but I don't want to disturb anyone. God bless the Internet. Who seem to have forgotten that blogger exists.

Checking in.

I seriously don't have much to say right now. Life's going ok I suppose. Been working a lot. 

It's been an awful couple months.

I was pregnant and suffered a miscarriage in December. That sucks. Would have loved having a child. Guess it wasn't meant to be just yet. If ever. My aunt passed away on the 11th of January. It was painful to see her decline the way she did. I know she's not hurting anymore And I am glad for that. But I miss her a lot. Her partner misses her too.

Lot of things going on.

My aunt's health has been getting worse. Her liver and kidneys are failing. She's home on hospice care. It's tough to watch her slipping away little by little everyday.
She made the decision a month ago that she was tired of hospital and feeding tubes. So she and my aunt(her girlfriend of 23 years) made the choice to bring her home and so.. It's only a matter of time now.

Getting to know bio dad

So, yeah, my bio dad has been coming around a lot more. We talk and its nice to get to hear his side of things. Weird too though. Still have a lot of feelings about this. Trying to get sorted out.

Conflicting emotions.

Sometimes I wish i could go back in the fog. I was less angry.

Today at work I was reminded of just how not the norm adoption really is. A co worker and I were talking about how he and his wife want to have a family. He said that for him and her adoption is not an option. He wants a child that's genetically related to him. Which is normal! A lot of people think that is a selfish attitude. No. It's a NORMAL attitude. People want their own kids. Most adoptive parents I know did not have adoption as their first option. It was usually third.
That's how it is supposed to be. She my family wasn't like that.