Sometimes, I jiust don't have the energy for life

I have just been feeling really sad here the last couple days. Going through status shuffles on facebook, I saw some that really struck a nerve with me, and by the time I closed the tab I was crying.

Ever since I got back from seeing Adad in Ohio I have just had the feeling that his time is running out. It makes me glad that at least I went to see him and made peace with myself about how I feel towards him.

He'll always be the man who raised me, and while at times he drives me up a wall, I have to admit that I love him. I just don't like some of the things he's done.

Also, I've been considering linking my blog on my facebook. But I have quite a few family members on there and I really want at least some part of my life private. Is there a way to link it there but still keep some entries either private or friends only?

Back from seeing my dad, feeling relieved.

He's holding his own. Despite everything, I am glad I went to see him. I would have never forgiven myself to be honest.

The trip was long, and on the way back there was some issues involving some credit cards that went missing. Fortunately they were found, but not before feelings were hurt.

All and all, an interesting trip. Now let us never speak of it again.

Heading out to Ohio to see Adad

He's still not awake, but me, the twin brother, and a couple others are all headed up to see him in the hospital.

I'll be honest, I hate hospitals. I've never been comfortable in them, and always want to run. The only time I went to a hospital willingly was when Amom was sick(when she ended up dying).

I do want to see him, mainly because all this doesn't feel real. On the other hand, I really don't. He was emotionally abusive and physically as well, until we got old enough to start telling people. But there were good times, and it's hard to forget them.

I go in honor of the times he was a good dad and actually did things a dad is supposed to do. I go for the man he was under the anger and abuse.

Here' s hoping I don't jump out of the car on the way there.

It's been a weird 10 days.

Things were good. I went to Florida to see my friend April and her husband. They live in Riverview and it was a very nice time. Humid as hell, but other then that, a nice time!

Went to a family reunion(not mine) and hung out with a guy named Benny, who is one of the nicest guys I have ever met. Hope something comes of it.

Adad is in the hospital, on life support. Been trying not to think about it, but it won't go away.

Spent a wonderful week at my friend's place in Florida.

We didn't really do a whole lot while I was there. But what we did do we had fun. She took me to the aquarium and me and her husband got into a few talks, which was very enlightening. He's an atheist, and I will admit, at first I was a little hesitant to go there. But then I told myself to stop being an idiot and go enjoy myself. Which I did. Her husband's a really smart guy, and they love each other. It was great to see.

While there, she recommended a few books to me, and let me borrow them.

"I never called it Rape"
The Vagina Monolouges
Yes Means Yes Visions of Female Sexual Power & A World Without Rape

Looks like I'll be busy for a while. She also had the Purity Myth, but a friend of herbhusband's came over, asked to borrow and she said"I've been trying to get him to read something like that for awhile now." So, I was cool with it.

I took a bunch of pictures at the aquarium when we went there, I put them on my facebook if anyone's interested.